Art of Living

2005-06-01T21:55:00.000+08:00

you know... I think I'm pretty screwed up. more than i imagined. =(

one day i'll just loose it. you can send me to a mental institution then.

its not the stress.

im just going insane. who knows why.

2005-05-25T21:32:00.000+08:00

pon sch today. went lavi's house with daryl jess serene and of cuz lavi to play mahjong.... haha.. fun... den went to play tennis... tennis is kinda hard... very difficult to comtrol the ball lah... always hit until dunno where.... tennis looks simple but actually its hard... haha... or maybe i just suck...

den we went hunting for cheap MCs... mr teo suddenly said he wanted MCs... like wth... arghz... but we figured the MCs were to expensive... so we decided to forget abt it... yea... den went down to soccer finals at national stadium... sadz... surprise loss for vj... the anxiety nearly killed me... after extra time... score att 1-1... penalty shoot out... vj lost.... such a narrow loss... and b4 tt everyone was like thinking whether vj will be like Man U... end up... reli come out liddat... its almost cruel...

2005-05-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

watched acjc choir concert last nite... was looking forward to it... to see how good they really are...
the concert started out with a super anti-climactic song... like reli short and nothing to show... just some happy sounding sacred song... they sang sunset... :S.... i didnt reli like the sound... dunno la...just wasnt impressed... i thought their musicality was quite bad... reli no feeling... another familiar song was pok pok.... aiyoyo... IMO la... messy...pitchy... ya...messy... but i liked their laughing part... sounded much more realistic den ours... ours like some siao langs liddat... their's was more natural... the rest of the songs... was pretty boring... the sound wasnt very impressive... but i must say their soft singing was very impressive... intense...

but it was still immensely boring. yea.

2005-05-22T21:32:00.000+08:00

well well... and so it is confirmed... a new strain of bird flu is now in existence... transmitable to humans... ooo... the human race is gonna die soon... china... wad the hell is wrong with their chickens man... ugh....

i met a mad person at the bus stop today... i was freaking irritated... like really... this old man looked normal... but he started talking to me about world war two and dunno what... he was speaking very softly... like mumbling to himself... den i was like...HUURRHHH?... but he continue talking like tt... den i tried being polite... i said... sorry... i cant understand you... den he continued so more... blardie hell... i was sick... my nose was running like anything... my ears are blocked... i was irritated... den i said loudly... and with all the irritation i could muster..SORRY... I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU... but... he continue blabbering... and so...i just walked off... thinking about how much i hated mad people... den i told myself after awhile to have some compassion for them... yes shawn...have more love... but i still wish there is like some hotline i can call and say... hello... mad person sighted in hougang central... pls remove him. yes. throw him into an asylum when he wont be talking nonsensically to other normal people and drive them mad. OOO... shawn..have more love.

pretty tired.

2005-05-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

yesterday was SOV.... ahhh... it was magnificent... stupendous...marvellous...stellar... incredible... i thought we performed reli reli REALLY well... it was simply rapture singing like that in the esplanade...the acoustics are freaking good lah...u can just hear the entire hall just reverberate with the chord and all tt... reminds me of the church in germany...hahahaa...

my new favourite song is Go, lovely rose... we did it damn nicely... like how surprising... hahaha... it was simply magical... im listening to the recording of our first 3 songs now... joel's sis recorded...oh my blardie goodness gracious... we sound freaking pro... like reli some professional choir... i thought i opened the wrong file... but NOOO...its us!!!! how amazing....hahahahahaha...so cool so cool... Leonardo sounded reli reli good... it exceeded Gold with Honours... should be Gold with First Class Honours... or wadeva... wahahahahah...

our hebrew songs were well done too... and the chinese songs... nelson actually said good for one of the songs...cant remember which one... but if the man said it was good... it must have been fantastic...hahahahahahah... so sad SOV had to end so quickly... sighz... but it was great... im sure everyone went home feeling satisfied... our seniors also said they were very proud of us... yay...

the sad thing is... i think i left my black shirt and pants in the dressing room... i dunno where it is now..maybe i will try asking ard the choir room tml... yah...

LEEEOOOONNNAAAAAAAAAARRRRRDDDDOOOOOO.......

2005-05-16T22:06:00.000+08:00

sighz....sighz....im feeling super nostalgic now... sov is tml... my second and final sov.... wah lao... i can just feel the lump forming in my throat... my 2 yrs of choral life is coming to an end. NNOOOOOooooo.... so fast so fast... i cant form my thoughts properly... im just so sad it has to end... sighz... i will miss vj choir soooooooo much.... so many memories... so many experiences... i never really felt the true feeling of winning and just the glorious sense of satisfaction when you realise all the hard work and sweat u put in was actually worth it...

sov... sov... im reli excited... yet... sad.... cuz i know...once it starts... it'll come and go like the wind... before i know it...it'll be over... lets go out with a blast year 2s... lets all sing our hearts out tml...

2005-05-05T21:30:00.000+08:00

Gold With Honours baby!!!!!!!

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRR!!!!

wait.... got one more...

SYF CHAMPIONS BabY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lalalala... vj choir rocks my freaking socks off my freaking feet!!!

so what if we only beat aj by decimal points... well good for them... but still better for us....ha... the anxiety yesterday nearly killed me man... i mean... i walked off the stage feeling rather good... like.. i thought we did quite well... of cuz not flawless but...still good... but everone started scaring each other after that lah... and we had like dunno how many hours to kill till the results... so it got reli reli bad... wad our sunset slightly flat, lily a lil sharp... pamugun messy and sharp... blah blah... den some of us started envisioning nelson's slightly disappointed smile after the thing... it got even worse after we heard aj perform... damn they're good... some of were like.. ok.. maybe they just surpassed us... den everyone got all worried again...

why were we feeling so affected by other choirs? cuz vj choir is like freaking competitive. why are we freaking competitive? cuz we have freaking a lot of expectations on us. its such a burden yet a motivation too. expectation from nelson... seniors... our illustrious heritage(by far the biggest burden to carry... hello... olympic champions last yr)... and of cuz expectations on ourselves.... we have made very big shoes for us to fill... and every competition we win... it gets bigger...

but in the spirit of wadeva-u-call-it... as long we we worked hard and gave it our best shot.. we've won.. yea... and i believe it reli was our best shot... flawed as it is...nevertheless still our best... yep... so.. rejoice...

the gold with honours didnt come just like that... contrary to what many believe... we worked reli hard... the syf champion title was a dream come true... we finally got it guys...

No man is an island.

2005-04-26T18:41:00.000+08:00

hello world. realised i havent said what was happening in life these days.

school. econs is if possible, even more horrible. it doesnt help that i already hate the freaking subject to the freaking core, and now, the teacher has to hate teaching us. she is the most unprofessional teacher ever man. i just told her to carry on teaching and not to care whether we did our essays and she was like ok... den next lesson... like totally disinterested in teaching our class already. like hello... dun tell me in all your years of teaching you never see a class that doesnt do tutorials. petty. just freaking teach lah... not like we were any different for the our previous econs tutors. i miss lee bee moey.

choir. it feels like last yr. where we keep screwing up at those little performances for other jcs and everything. but in our practices... we usually sound fine. fortunately last yr we just nice peak during the competition lah. but cant assume for this yr rite. have morning practices for the whole week. while i think its a great idea to get us used to the morning singing, i think it could be more productive yea. i mean... it doesnt help for us to just simply dive into the song and go all flat and demoralised without some freaking major warmups. for me lah... even after the half and hour or so of warm-ups... i still feel like im croaking... not warmed up yet... but on syf day... im sure nelson will ensure that we are reli freaking warmed up...

oh gawd... i just realised i have nothing more to say about my life. how pathetic. its so unhappening. oh ya... threw a surprise bdae party for lavi! haha... tt woman... not surprised wan... no fun... i was like hoping she'll start bawling and crying and all tt... pauline and i were baking the cake in her house... hiyo... it was damn funny... after we put it in the oven for like 30mins... we wanted to test if it was done... so pauline stuck a satay stick inside... and it came our clean... ya... so we were like YAY its done... but when we took it out... it was like wobbling in the inside like dunno what lah.... den we panic... we were like...PUTITBACKPUTITBACKPUTITBACK.... HAHahaha... den when i stuck another stick into it... it came out completely stained... -_-... dunno how pauline stick... haha..thankfully it came out fine...daryl did the present... its freaking nice i tell you... cold lavina didnt even let out a sigh when she saw it... its damn nice lah... eetse's jealous...

napfa's coming... i wish i was like some super fit person... den dunnid to care... hahaa... o wells... no pain no gain...

oh... once again... shawn tan is having a pimple breakout... its freaking ugly so dun stare at him too conspicuously cuz it'll make him feel self-conscious and remind him to go apply some clean and clear acne clearing gel when he gets home. i hate my genes.

2005-04-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

irritable.

dark are my thoughts. dark and sinful. troubled my dreams have been. im fighting a spiritual war right now. feeling so helpless. utterly ashamed.

the devil seeks to kill, steal and destroy.

Psalms 91

"I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust... He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

Guard my soul.

2005-04-20T21:51:00.000+08:00

ah. choir prac. today's choir prac reminded me of our practices for the choir olympics last yr. like those very focussed, intensive kinda pracs where we reli drill the songs. yea. syf... im losing it... like reli.... ah... just hang on...

great job to my vs juniors.... reli glad you guys made it... haha.. =D...

schoolwork is piling... i feel like im in this big pool of water... and this pool of water represents the workload... its rising... like quite fast... and im struggling to keep afloat...

i need more hours in a day. so many things i want to do.

2005-04-17T21:05:00.000+08:00

yay!! i got a zen micro... thx to my brother! its the light blue colour... nice nice... hehe... now im gonna upload all my cds and mp3s... haha... my discman is now officially obsolete... ha...

friday got back pw results... vj did very well.... 99.1% got band 1 or 2... but my class... quite sad case lah... all twos except 5 ones... how time flies...we actually got our results already... i can still remember those horrible pw days when i just felt like banging my head on the wall... ugh... i guess it'll forever be firmly etched in my memories...

haiz... tml the decision for the casino will be announced... isnt there reli no other way to create jobs... must we capitalise on the sins of man to create employment and revenue?... even lee kuan yew say a casino is inevitable already.. guess there reli will be one coming up...

ugh... i sound absolutely horrible... im too used to my old (and incorrect) singing habits already... grrrrr... must change... like really soon...

2005-04-13T22:11:00.000+08:00

i just put Yoko Yoko on my aching thighs.

some of it spilled onto my balls.

aaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

ahem.

2005-04-09T23:21:00.000+08:00

i don't mean to be mean.

i shall learn to love more. Yes. Have more love, shawn.

economic crisis. i know nuts about keynesian. help...

choir today was... intense.

musicfest was... funny.

shawn is... going to bed.

2005-04-05T22:55:00.000+08:00

memorising scores. ugh. i hate hebrew.

farewell spa. wont miss you. useless shit. yea. bye.

just watched this documentary on lions. whoa. lions are some horny shits. when they mate. they mate for a few days, and they do IT every quarter of an hour. what amazing stamina. yea. and they showed a footage of this lion and lionness in the midst of doing it. the lionness was lying down normally on the ground. the lion was behind it. the lion was moving in and out, and... he was moaning... not reli moaning actually... more like growling... RAAWWRR...RAAWWRR....liddat lor. cool. haha.

daryl lavi jess and i were talking about our parents sex life on the bus home today. i dunno how the hell we got to that topic. but anyway, lavi found condoms lying around... like blatantly lying around.well, at least they have a healthy and active sex life. and daryl... his mum ask him to help her buy pregnancy test kit before... cuz she missed her period. lol. haha. damn funny lah. i never found condoms in my parents bedroom b4. maybe one day if im reli bored i'll go ransack. or maybe they just dont do it anymore. yea. haha. den we went on to talk about how married man can lose interest in their wives... cuz they give birth and all that... so their vagina dilates and just becomes larger lah. so when they do it, there is less sensation and... ya lah. how disgusting these people... its like they married for sex. some of them even demanded their wives go for corrective surgery to "tighten" them up, describing sex with them as "throwing a stick into the Grand Canyon". right.

k. this could be too much for some people. but its my blog. but i'll stop anyway. =)

2005-04-02T22:48:00.000+08:00

*contented sigh*

at least all our effort for the small group thingy is paying off... i think... i feel such a nice sense of satisfaction from today's choir prac... yay... i reli think the music co people are doing a great job at pushing the choir to improve... especially gabriel... yea...great job...

SPA. eekz.

moving on... forgetting what lies behind... setting my eyes on the prize...

2005-04-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel so empty, and yet I'm also bursting at the seams.
How I long for time to pass.
Perhaps... perhaps I...
It's like a disease, slowly manifesting.
I resent.

...gaze of grace...

2005-03-31T21:36:00.000+08:00

i feel so twisted inside. so twisted from all the grief that people are going through all over the world.

just saw True Courage. about this 7 yr old boy who had bone cancer and had to amputate his arm. how could a 7 yr old go thru that? seeing his brave story... i juz couldnt help but grieve with him...

and after tt was the news on the recent earthquake... little children... screaming and crying cuz they're so scared and alone... and it doesnt help tt their arms and legs are in casts and bandages... it really ached to see that...

oh... i just want to scream... i feel so twisted inside...

2005-03-28T21:55:00.000+08:00

SYMPHONY OF VOICES 2005

VJC CHOIR

ESPLANADE CONCERT HALL

17th MAY

TICKETS ON SALE AT SISTIC!

TIX GOING AT 20, 30 AND 40 BUCKS!

GO! GO! GO! GO!

2005-03-28T21:36:00.000+08:00

school. haha... went for this little christian cell grp thingy held in school after lessons... quite cool... i think its like some secret thingy... haha... felt like some underground church in china... but it was good... the worship was reli spirit-filled... enjoyed it...

after tt choir... the quartet performing thingy is starting! so exciting... yet nervous...haha.. hope i dun screw up... today in my quartet... we tried singing... ok..when we started...the first chord was like... WAH KAO... CMI... hahaha...everyone panicking... but luckily we still pulled thru...

watching ms congeniality 2 tml... yay...

2005-03-27T21:34:00.000+08:00

...Because He lives... I can face tomorrow...

I love you Lord.

easter service went fine. phew. altho the sound mixer suddenly blew just b4 the service, and everyone was frantic... things still turned out fine. haha.

-----------------------------------------------------

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

Forbid it Lord that I should boast
Save in the death of Christ my God
All the vain things that charm me most
I sacrifice them to his blood

See, from His head, His hands, His feet
Sorrow and love flowed mingled down
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

2005-03-25T17:22:00.000+08:00

so be it.

disillusionment. at last.

cant believe my thick-headedness. its appalling.

i am appalled. what blatant disregard.

i love my life.

2005-03-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

troubled. i hate that feeling. wonder how things are gonna work themselves out. cant wait for this week to pass.

haha. i am unloved. haha.

the mind can be so deceiving sometimes. it plays tricks. beware.

haha.

soon the last 12 hours of Jesus' life will start... in the Garden of Gethsemane. the torture and pain he went through for me. yet here i am screwing myself up.

there's no reason to be angry with God.

I am ashamed. I actually... erm... teared... it only happens when i cry out to Him. ugh. to hell with stereotypes. well... at least i didnt bawl. haha.

2005-03-22T22:32:00.000+08:00

silent cry.

Lord I'm so confused. Show me your way.

the door closes.

-----------------------------------------------

Lord I thirst for You
I long to be in Your presence
My soul will wait on you
Father draw me nearer
Draw me nearer
To the beauty of Your holiness

I will wait for You, Almighty God
In the beauty of Your holiness
I will worship You, Almight God
In the beauty of Your holiness

2005-03-20T15:24:00.000+08:00

choir camp just ended. it was ok lah. but i really liked the second day. Cuz i think there was a breakthrough during our practice. yesh. our zhuliguan sounded much much much better den the day before. could really feel the yr 2s putting in the effort to bring out the colour in the song again. yep. suddenly felt such a great sense of pride for our batch. haha. oh and pamugun with the yr 1s was sooooo much better. i could feel the colour coming out already. we can make it. we will make it. hehe. i guess vjchoir is finally starting to be what it should be. i really hope we can put up a great concert for the people watching. after all... tickets are going at 20, 30 and 40 bucks... tts hell of a lot of money for a school choir concert. things are going to get intense soon. yay. im going to improve myself. i will.

tenors won horny nite!! hahaha.. like how miraculous. i was totally shocked by the results. i mean... we do have gifted actors lah... like darren marcus and martin... but i thought our script was too confusing for the people to understand... and the ending didnt go very well... hahaha... o wells... 3 years in a row!

im such a procrastinator. everytime i tell myself that i want to do this piece of work and tt... when the times comes for me to sit at my table... i somehow wont do anything. i'll give myself all the excuses lah... like i dunno how to do it... i cant find the tutorial worksheets or wadeva... which are quite valid excuses actually... hmmm...ya...actually they are... muahahahahaha..

2005-03-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

i am blessed.

ahhhh. musicfest. sianzzzzzzzzzzz...

wad song wad song wad song. im panicking. semis on monday. i still dun have a song. choir for two days. left sunday to practice. Lord help me.

2005-03-15T23:23:00.000+08:00

back from the London Community Gospel Choir's concert... it was fantastic! hahaha... they sang soo many songs...with like so much energy all the way.... they just danced and danced and danced.... their vocal production was of cuz amazing... hahaha... they can blend sooo well also... im amazed...they reli sound like one...

the concert reli got everyone on their feet... damn funny to see some lao auntie uncle dancing away....hahaha... overall... it was money well spent... i love black choirs... i wanna be a black. no lah... just kidding... haha...

2005-03-15T13:27:00.000+08:00

True Praises

I offer up to You
Praises from my heart
That they may be in truth
A pleasing sacrifice
To show my gratitude
For all the things you do
I give to You true praises from my heart
Lord I give to You true praises from my heart

this are the lyrics of the song they taught us...the melody is reli beautiful... if u see me can ask me to sing to you...hahaha... they taught us the harmonies for this song too... it was soo nice...

k im bored again... arghz...back to genetic engineering....

2005-03-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

bored. waiting patiently for LCGC's concert tonight!

lets talk about my life over the past few days. hmmm. ok lah...how bout just yesterday. too lazy to think.

yesterday was choir. 9 to 3. finally... choir practices are getting longer. and we need the practice man. we need helluva lot of practice actually. we suck. yes yes. we suck. so? lets improve! damn. aj was there. we performed for each other. they were good. i thought they were very clean. we sucked. cant use the excuse that our songs were harder. yea. so... shit. t2s came in sharp for pamugun. oh dang. wont happen again. grrr. did a lot of songs during sectionals. especially leonardo. at least the song is taking shape. altho it still sounds horrible. but at least we dun break down that often oredi. haha. yay for improving. i just think all of us need some huge wake up call. maybe some ultra scary scolding from nelson or something to make us all wake up and chiong to improve together. yup. actually... i think i already see one coming. soon.

after choir. i went parkway to buy tix to the concert and vocal masterclass. den wandered ard town for 3 hours. alone. i love being alone actually. went spotlight.

today.

woke up with a sore throat. but not so serious lah. but still. i hate it cuz it affects my voice. and i NEED my voice. especially for this week. ok wait. lemmi check if i can still sing. *pause* oh crap. i cant. my voice suddenly disappeared as i went higher. lalalalala. just hope can recover by wednesday. i think wednesday's choir prac shud be doing small grp. shit. i need my voice.

arghz. i hate doing school work. so sianz lah. but still... must force myself to do it. got soooo much to clear during this hols. on top on my homework, i've got to consolidate my term 1s work. i havent actually read my lecture notes. so much to do. so little time. so why the freaking hell am i wasting time here blogging. oh wait. i remember. its cuz i love to procrastinate. k.. i noe i shouldnt complain... cuz i know they are so many more people busier than me. but... i dun... erm... ok fine i'll just shut up.

2005-03-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

i just attended a vocal masterclass by the London Community Gospel Choir at the esplanade....it was so freaking surreal... i always dreamed of being in a black church, listening to a black choir...and omg...i got my wish...i felt like i was in some freaking revival. wahaha. THEIR VOICES ARE FREAKING AMAZING. let me say that again. THEIR VOICES ARE FREAKING AMAZING. hahahaha... i was stunned, shocked, amazed, paralysed, wadeva... let me elaborate....haha

first up... they had this small demonstration of what they were about.. so they demonstrated this song... from the small little choir of 6 girls and 4 guys... this short fat little lady straddled...yes she literally straddled to centre stage... grabbed the mike... and as soon as she started singing.. my mouth dropped open...i mean literally dropped open... and it just got wider and wider at she went higher and higher and higher.... i was like... *rapture*... her tone was sooooooooooooo beautiful... her control fantastic... her range was needless to say awesome... her runs and all that... like... omg...wad amazing musicality... and of cuz...she was pitch perfect... and the choir... whoaaaaaaaaaa.... what amazing vocal production!!!! but of cuz lah...they're professionals... hahaha... all of them sound soooo good... and although only got 10 people...they sounded like 100 people... like u noe how a black choir sounds? that super nice super powerful super blended kind of sound. yea...that.

den after that they went on the tell us about choral directing and wadeva... i wasnt very interested in that...lets get on to the singing... they wanted to demonstrated the difference between just singing and gospel singing... so this guy...the leader...he sang amazing grace... he sang it straight lah...nothing fancy...but still damn nice lah... den after... he asked this girl to sing it in a gospel style... she sang... and omg...blown away... her runs were like... how the hell did she imagine all those notes in her head... what musicality.... haiz... i guess gospel singing is about being very free to express yourself... playing with the melody and all...

so they taught us a few songs... some song called true praises... its a damn nice song... like really... and O happy day...hahaha...damn fun lah...den we must move like them...damn cool...

their voices are so amazing lah... i bought their cd... haha... sighz...i wish i was black... maybe i could sing like that... hahaha...no lah...jus kidding...

looking forward to their concert tml...hahaha...

2005-03-13T22:32:00.000+08:00

im peeling like some shit.

lavina gets goosebumps reli easily. she gets goosebumps when she sees dots.

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haha.

lalalalalalalalala...

2005-03-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

how could you?
how couldnt you?
why wouldnt you?
i wonder how?

control. control. control.

argh.

thx lavina.

----------------------------------------------------------

David and Claire were the best of friends. Both were staunch christians and were deeply in love with God. Until one day, David realised he had developed romantic feelings for claire. He prayed and prayed about it, asking God whether it was His will that he initiate a courtship with Claire. After some time, David felt confident of his decision. He decided to give it a shot.

David first approached Claire's father to ask him his permission to date his daughter. the father saw this and was troubled, for he knew claire did not see david in that kind of light. but he knew david was a Godly man, and he trusted david and he trusted God. Claire's father gave the green light. That night, claire's father broke the news to her. Upon hearing it, claire started crying. Unhappy tears. she was annoyed with david. to her, david was just a friend, a brother, nothing more. In her mind, it was impossible. She thought david had ruined their friendship.

A few days later, david called claire to ask her out to dinner. On the phone, david didnt know of claire's negative response yet, but he could sense claire's reluctance and disinterest. He prayed and decided to hope for the best. On the other hand, Claire felt bad. She knew david had not carelessly decided to express interest in her, he was thoughtful, methodical and steady. But she just didnt like him in that way!

At the dinner, the atmosphere was awkward. Claire listened quietly as david told her of the qualities in her that he was attracted to; and that he knew that she initially just thought of him as a friend but he asked that she would at least prayerfully consider this courtship. At this point, claire and david had a very big miscommunication. Claire left the dinner assuming david knew she wasnt interested and david left thinking claire would pray about it and get back to him later.

however, what followed was two months of cold, bitter silence. Claire was angry at david for ruining their friendship and david was bitter about claire ignoring him. claire didnt want david to think that she was even considering a relationship with him, so she was rude and ignored him completely. both of them played in the worship band, and even during practices, none of them spoke to each other.

it was until one sunday, the pastor was preaching about how bitterness can spoil friendships among fellow christians. and claire knew instantly that God was speaking very loudly to her. Tearfully, after the service, she went to find david. Even as she approached, she could see the wariness and disappointment in his eyes.
"David, im sorry for the way i acted for the past two months. I was bitter. i was selfishly ignoring you and running away from the situation. Will you please forgive me?"
Upon hearing this, david's eyes filled up with tears. and at that instant, claire saw just how much her sin had hurt him.
david too apologised for he had been bitter too. they made up. their friendship restored.

the story doesnt end here... but too lazy to write anymore... two years later the two of them finally fall in love and get married...

silence and bitterness.

2005-03-08T21:20:00.000+08:00

My face twists in annoyance. Once again I'm scolding him for not bringing in the laundry. "Why you always forget to bring in the clothes?" I raised my voice in heat, only to hear him gently say a little while later, "no lah, not always", as he turned to get the clothes. The anger I felt suddenly disappeared. Instead, I was ashamed of myself.
My thoughts wandered. I thought back to the times I would want him to accompany me to those crazy parties when I knew he would rather curl up with a book in the quietness of our home. But still he went to every party without complain. He did all these out of love.
My thoughts wandered. Those mornings when he woke up earlier to send the kids to school, just so that I could sleep a little more. He knew I was tired, but I knew that he was even more so.
My thoughts wandered. To the times when I was bad-tempered and acting in an immatured way. He would always listen quietly to my endless ranting and hateful remarks, only to smile at me at the end of it with that same loving look in his eyes. The look that revealed the foolishness in me.
My thoughts wandered. To the times he always tried to give in to my every whim, even if it inconvenienced him. That's cause he wanted me to be happy. Like the time when I insisted on eating japanese food even though I knew he hated it. He still brought me to a jap restaurant cause he knew I wanted it.
My thoughts wandered. It revealed to me all those times when he demonstrated his love in that quiet, unspoken way of his. The many times I failed to notice, the many times I treated him bad. He was always there for me. Quiet and unassuming, but always there. His eyes were always watching me, taking in every flaw(many of them) and yet loving me so. I am ashamed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

girls...appreciate your man.

2005-02-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling ridiculously happy/light-hearted/cheery/peaceful these days... feels kinda weird... haha... guess its called the peace of God...

heard someone in vj lost her mum to cancer... v sad... i wonder how will i react if i were to lose my mum... she seems to be this eternal figure in my mind's eye... but i know that isnt true... one day she will go home... i just pray that the person will find peace...

i just cut my hair.its shit ugly. i know i have a huge head but i didnt know it was this huge.

o wells. bye.

2005-02-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

just realised how depressing my past few posts were. makes my life seem damn miserable. actually its not lah. haha.

i've been praying for God to give me wisdom and to open my eyes. initially i thought he didnt reli hear me... but once again im reminded that he is a God who listens. yep. reading this christian book on relationships. reli opened my eyes..haha.. enlightened me.. i reli felt soooo much better just after the first chapter... yep... its great. it reminded me tt God has a plan for my life... and sometimes he has to close certain doors in order for us to keep on the right track... and usually...seeing these doors close will hurt... haha... but he has a bigger plan in store for us! and it talks about all these teenage romance thingy... relationships that arent headed for anywhere. whats the purpose of this relationship? whats the motive? is it right? does it glorify God? is it pure?

so many of these relationships end in heartbreak. so... when you hold ur partner's hand... when you kiss your partner or wadeva... are u reli doing ur partner any good if u have no purpose for the relationship? when i say purpose i mean marriage. it is not enough to simply to have strong feelings for that someone. anyone can have those feelings... long-lasting romance needs practical, common-sense wisdom that knows when to let the wind of feelings to carry them higher and when to pull back. when to express our emotions and when to keep quiet. when to open our hearts and when to rein them in.

yep... finally i can lay the burden down at the foot of the cross...

2005-02-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

...no one likes a bin-chow-chow face... especially when it looks like **** already...

SMILE. =D

open your stupid mouth and talk. even though you would rather not.

its time to come out of your comfort zone.

start learning to be lovable.

crap. its not me.

2005-02-16T21:45:00.000+08:00

guess thats what im only good for...

i cant bloody stand it.

guess shawn is just a shallow boring goodfornothingelse individual

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

so freaking irritated with my dad.

he nags. he scolds. he orders. he is unreasonable. he is stupid. he thinks he's smart. he's not.

tts all he does. first sentence that comes out from his mouth is always either an order, a scolding, a nagging, or all of the above.

its hard to love him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

musicfest. ooooo

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

...living in the clouds...

...its gonna rain soon... the kind of light drizzle that never seems to stop...

2005-02-15T22:58:00.000+08:00

immature shit.

banging my head on the wall.

i feel wronged. angry.

cap it.

2005-02-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

x-country. arghz. stupid. next time shud line up more in front. i was like dunno where lah. so many freaking people in front of me. nvm. at least i improved. =D.

esther is a freak. esther is a freak. esther is a freak.

only freaks can get 4As and come in 6th in x-country. yep.

constantine is a super screwed-up cocked up show. it distorts basic biblical principles and just reli shows some stupid stuff. dun watch.

2005-02-09T22:02:00.000+08:00

CNY... celebration in school were damn long. nearly screamed in the middle of the lion dance thingy. like where got lion so boring one. choir was... haha..no better than us last yr. after the thing all my frenz started telling me how pathetic choir was. like wth. grrr. like excuse me. who in the world takes CNY celebrations seriously. they werent even given mikes. they are not loudhailers for goodness sake.

today chu yi. visited. collected angbao.=D. gambled. my love for gambling is dwindling. not tt i was complusive gambler or anything before. i just liked the thrill of opening ur cards and seeing what u get. yea i noe..cheap thrill. but who cares. i won 30 bucks today.

dunno why my mind kept wandering away today.

be still.

2005-02-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

my room is offically spring cleaned. threw away 3 big plastic bags of stuff. still sneezing from all the dust i created. i have found space i never knew i had. i had no idea i had this many cds lying around my room. one day i must go and count how much money i have spent on them. probably a few thousand by now. imagine. if i didnt like listening to cds... i would have tt amt of cash in my bank account now. imagine.

shuting said she ran 10k today. like omg. i feel inspired. maybe i'll try running 10k one day. maybe. probably will die.

time is precious. life is precious.

2005-02-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

well well well... i plan to do a major spring cleaning of my room over the next two days. my room may be small but there is a shit load of rubbish. no shit. i still see some sec 4 notes and TYSs lying around. the pineapple tarts my choir angel gave me last year for CNY is still lying ard in the blue container. dun wanna open it. might see maggots.

well... seeing its the end of the yr...at least according to the chinese calendar... how bout some reflections...

one thing i've learnt is to have confidence in myself. since primary school... i've always had this mild inferiority complex deep within me. never really acknowledged it until recently. then i thought back and remembered all those times when i felt like that. and i traced it all the way back to primary school. maybe thats one of the reasons im not particularly fond of school life. until now. now i know. Im better than what i think myself to be. all those times when i wished i was someone else. well. i dont now. im just glad to be shawn.

i always saw myself as a solitary person. many a times i just wished i lived alone on some deserted island. provided that all my physical needs were somehow magically provided for. but now i value friendship and companionship more. i guess i always had the intrinsic desire for companionship. well. it isnt so hard to see now.

i thought i was matured. actually im not. i see that now. i'll get there someday. yea.

2005-02-03T21:31:00.000+08:00

...watching...

...i curse my indecisiveness....
...i spit upon my hesitance...
...i abjure my confusion...

...they say it's blind... indeed...truly it is...

this isnt right... i shouldnt be thinking about this... i have other more important things to focus on.shawn is psychotic.shawn needs to wake up and smell the coffee.and grow some maturity...

thx pauline for the compliment...reli made my day...=)...

2005-01-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

today was my first practice with the new band... its reli cool... the musicians are all like damn pro... got to know all of them for the first time... yup...reli nice peepz...haha.. my friend rachel and i were the only two singers today...supposed to have four...including dawn also... but dawn sick...the other cant make it... haha...yup... practiced our songs... so cool rite...i get to choose songs that i want to sing... yup...but they chose one song for me already...called Who Am I... rachel chose some delta goodrem song... called Lost Without You... nice... had fun...looking forward to the next meeting...=D...

2005-01-27T21:22:00.000+08:00

...its hard to act cold and aloof... when inside... you still feel... but alas... i guess it doesnt really matter anymore...=)...

basically this week was fine...just like any other boring week... maybe just about the only thing im looking forward to is choir prac... yah...wednesday's choir prac was ok i guess...well...at least i think some of our songs are improving... but the sound just isnt there yet... guess all of us need more vocal training... haha... i love cloudburst... although i havent reli heard the full effects of the song... i imagine its gonna be something quite mindblowing...yep...

looking forward to saturday...im finally getting a new phone...=D=D=D... so my phone wont be obsolete anymore...wahaha...

pauline is damn funny lah... everytime i start singing Chain of Fools, she will start dancing... and the way she dance like reli damn funny lah... like some little girl dance liddat... v cute...

2005-01-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

...wiser now...

...breakaway...

...living again... =)...

2005-01-20T21:52:00.000+08:00

...sighz... gonna miss you shu... really am... but its all gonna be alright k... if u ever need me... i'll be here...=)...

...been feeling low lately...its the same feeling all over again... ahhh...nevermind...

2005-01-16T17:42:00.000+08:00

havent been blogging much these few days... i think soon this blog will just turn stale... k...lemmi try to recap the events of the past few days...

school... work is piling up... but still manageable i guess... S paper...sighz...catch no ball... haha...too dumb lah...

choir... at least it feels like choir now...not like half the choir... cuz we have juniors now... yah...like reli a lot of them... but sadly... the sound isnt very good at all... i still dunno why nelson is like so happy during practices... guess cuz its just the early stage... nelson spent like 25mins of vocal training b4 he got the sound he wanted lah... shit man... but seriously... the man's a genius... i dunno how he just improves a choir's sound so fast...

practices also getting noisier siahz... everytime we stop singing got people talk...den some of the yr 2s must shhh the choir... one day nelson is gonna scream... hahaha... we learnt 5 songs for SOV already... in like 2 to 3 practices... so tts fast... the poor year 1s were like struggling with pamugun and zhu li guan... especially pamugun... they were like groaning during sectionals... lol...

sickening... now t2s must learn the B1 part for pamugun... oh...and i heard marie luo sing the pamugun solo... wah lao...she is damn loud lah... hahaha...her mouth was like DAMN big...hahahaha... hard to believe she was an alto last time...

u noe... for the first half of the concert this yr is all songs by eric whitacre... i seriously think we're gonna put the audience to sleep lah... cuz his songs all same pattern one lor... all the clash chord...very chordy kinda songs... one note can hold for dunno how many beats wan... haha... but at least they are nice to sing... i like the chordy feeling when i sing... but not sure the audience will like it...

bought taufik's album....disappointed... singaporean composers CMI... all the songs like...uhem... sound the same... the slow r&b kind... ok...i know he is known at the Soul Man... but c'mon man...give us some versatility... put me to sleep ah... the only nice song is I Dream... haha...partly cuz the choir's in it too... oh... all the effects in the studio reli made us sound very professional... like... very clean and very well blended...ok maybe the blending part is our own work lah... haha... VJ Choir rocks!

on a last note... i like how this yr has started out... well...feeling confident on myself now... yea...

2005-01-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

ugly

2005-01-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

i forgot what it felt like to feel sleepy during lectures...i just hate the feeling when u reli reli reli want to sleep but u know u cant sleep...so u must try to force urself to wake up... disgusting... guess today was quite uneventful... so nothing much to say...

tried to do maths S qns... sorry...CMI... cant do...bleahzz....too dumb...drop la drop la... haha...

reli glad that this yr they have the teach less learn more policy... now are days are like significantly shorter...still remember last yr...we had to slog our asses until 4.15 on some days...soemtimes 5pm... damn tiring... no my latest day is only 3.35... the rest end at like 1 plus 2 plus...so shiok... junios are damn lucky man... the get to have shorter days...their pw not so hiong oredi...i dunno wad they did to their SPA...but i guess its for their benefit... i was born in the wrong yr...hehe..

nothing interesting to blog... life is boring...

...grey skies... to... bluer skies?... get out of the picture then... better off there...

2005-01-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

just went blog hopping just now...discovered some of my juniors' blogs... quite shocked to discover that they thought orientation was damn fun... k lah..maybe cuz i wasnt there for most of the time... so it looked more of a flop to me...hahha.. but glad that they are finding vj fun and cool and everything...

need to learn to stop being such a lazy bones... just get ur freaking work done shawn... and you'll be a happier person...sighz...

back to school tml... and u noe the drill...tutorials...lectures... work...choir... haha... lets look upon it with joy and excitement(oh please)... speaking of choir...which reminds of of singing...i went kbox yesterday with the usual gang... sing until damn shuang haha...i sang breathe easy 3 times...wahahahahaha... anyway... dun reli have anything much to blog... so...ciaoz..

2005-01-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

first week of school has gone by... it was by far the slackest...most boring week ever... thank God its over... hope the year 1s enjoyed orientation... caught a glimpse of the orientation programme... looked quite ok to me... altho some parts a bit screwed up lah... read some of my junior's blog... damn...they reli like the mass dance... haha... i tink we were like that last yr also... quite crazy over mass dance...cuz it was something new to us... but after like 6 months... mass dance? sianz.....

i hate it when i cant make conversation with people... it makes me feel to awkward and helpless... sometimes i reli envy those people who can just talk and talk forever...its like how do they keep finding something interesting to talk about? i wanna be able to make someone laugh... maybe i shud start by smiling more... hmmmm...

saw the list of shortlisted people from the choir auditions... whoa...got 50 people...i didnt know got so many audition...funny... i didnt reli see the queue... well hope we can get reli good singers to boost the choir's strength and win syf! yep...

...sorry i cant make you laugh... or smile... maybe cuz i dun belong there...or not wanted there...or i just dunno how...

2005-01-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

i hate my voice!! arghz...my high notes suck... i can reach all the high notes when i sing lightly...but when i try to do it the clay aiken blasting style... it come out like shit...arghz... hate it... just came back from some worship workshop in church... aiyo...since it was the first session...they were testing our range... they knew i was from choir...tenor... so they didnt even bother to start from my mid range... str8 away they go to G... hallelujah... so of cuz i sang it lightly lah... where got people test range blast wan rite...but they say dun sing liddat... cuz it was too choir...too much head tone lah...which is quite true lah...they want a pop sound... SO... i blasted the G with zero warm ups at all...it was horrible... they went up all the way to Bb... ok lah..i "reached" it lah.. but it reli was like shouting lor...damn disgusting...cant do it lah...sighz... i aint no clay aiken...

havent been blogging... just heard the song in the previous post on the radio... the lyrics just "spoke" to me... yea... so here it is...

its all coming back again... no...go away... but its not something tt i can help rite... nvm...

school has been plain boring... but this yr like my class kenna all the good teachers liddat... altho they are like quite strict... but in the long run...its a good thing rite...

2005-01-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

Missing

Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Maybe someday you'll look up
And barely concious you'll say to no one
Isn’t something missing

You won't cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Even though I’m the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I’d die to know you loved me
I’m all alone
Isn’t someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me
But I won’t be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
Isn’t something missing

Even though I’m the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I’d die to know you loved me
I’m all alone
Isn’t someone missing me?

2005-01-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

first day of school today... ok lah...quite dead...only had like 3 tutorials... that basically do nothing wan.... den at 11.30... our day was over...so after tt... me esther yaf anu and colin...the new guy huz joining our class...we went cine to watch meet the fockers...like finally lah... super horny funny show... its good... yea...

den after tt...me esther and yaf went to hougang mall food court to eat her cake...wahahaha...eetse baked it for her... how sweet... but sorry eetse...yafen and i ate 2/3 of the cake...wahahahaha...

2005-01-01T21:43:00.000+08:00

so its 2005... bah... school is coming back again... i can just sense all the stress and work waiting for me... how swell... its going to be a very packed 6 months... i think im spreading myself too thin... ah nvm... i'll just take it as it comes... so....resolutions for 2005? resolutions dun reli mean anything...so...yea...

im feeling very caged up right now... and i have no idea why... its like i feel very restricted... dun you sometimes.... like everyone looks at you in a certain light and they expect u to act in the way that they perceive u to be... and i hate tt... haiz...talking rubbish now... i'll shuddap now...

2004-12-29T21:55:00.000+08:00

death toll is now 66000... sighz... i never expected such a huge number... my parents were talking about the tsunami thingy today... overhead some parts... they said got one hotel in one of the affected countries that was very badly affected cuz it was like right beside the sea... and my uncle and his family were staying in that hotel... they came back to singapore two days b4 the tsunami... how fortunate...

my parents just love talking and speculating about all these things... they talked about how my sister and her husband would have gone to phuket around that period if her husband had been able to get leave... but he couldnt get leave...so they didnt go there... and how my brother and his gf had nearly planned to go to langkawi around this period also... yayaya...like wadeva... sometimes i just cant stand this kind of talk...its like...wah we are so lucky... we could have been there... dunno why...just puts me off... makes me wanna say...shut up lah... if we werent meant to be there, we wouldnt be there... so stop contemplating about your possible fates cause there are millions out there who are homeless and suffering... a bit no link... but i dun care...

then they went on to something which i thought was quite interesting... they said that this tragedy was somehow predicted by someone many years ago... i couldnt reli hear the details... but my mother kept a copy of the prophecy or something ( sounds like one of the fantasy books i've read)... but she threw it away recently... and they were talking about something on the lines of God's punishment or something... Aceh...the province/city/wadeva most badly affected... the people there used to burn down churches and all that... anti-christianity and everything... indonesia also quite anti-christianity rite... so could it be God's punishment? dunno... dun think so much about it... but all things do happen for a reason dont they?

went swimming again this mornign with weilin and calvin... i've lost count of the number of times i've gone swimming in this month alone... den spent the afternoon trying to finish maths...not bad... finished until differentiation...sighz...still got integration... damn...chem project how ah... i have no idea wad to do...i think my grp members have no idea also...lalalala... we'll see.... anyway...i saw both the orientation t-shirts this yr...damn nice lah...damn...why our tshirt must be so shit-ugly?

2004-12-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

oh my goodness... the death toll is 55000....55000!!!....omg...i reli dunno how the governments are going to take care of all this man...the countless dead have to be found, identified if possible...buried...the rubble must be cleared....the millions homeless must be given shelter...and food...and medicine... homes and buildings must be rebuilt... and after all that... they must try to help their economy recover... wad a logistical nightmare... im not even sure the UN have the resources to help them... tts why its going to have to be a world effort...

just came back from whispers of the earth concert... the pian qian one... ok lah...the Hk treble choir is damn cute... all so small size... they look at us with such wide-eyed bewilderment and innocense... and they sing quite well too...for 6 to 9 yr olds they are good actually... i guess the vj choir did well also... altho it was only 5 songs... still well done...

ahhhh...its back to homework... how how how how how... like got a lot of online homework stuff i need to do but i dunno exactly got what... like how stupid lah...couldnt they have told us what we had to do online b4 the term closed... arghz...

2004-12-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

haiz... what a tragedy... once again I'm reminded of the fragility of life... May God's peace be with those affected by the tidal wave... sighz...it had to happen during Christmas... imagine you are partying the night before... and the next day... you're gone... sighz... but im sure God is in control...

And in despair I bow my head,

"There is no peace on earth", I said.

For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth good will to men

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep,

God is not dead nor doth he sleep,

The wrong shall fail the right prevail,

With peace on earth,

Good will to men.

...Cherish each moment...

...Give thanks for each blessing and trial...

...Don't take the people around you for granted...

2004-12-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

...Merry Christmas...

wah....what a busy christmas day... haha... first went church for christmas service... it was good... the band sounded good and all... to my sister dawn...for her solo of silent night...well done... managed to hit the high notes yea...... at least now u know you have range...hahaha...

after church...rushed down to raffles hotel for carolling...missed the first session due to church...so carolled for the second, third and fourth session... the second and third were ok lah..but the fourth...OMG...it was phenomenal... the group from ritz came to join us...all the seniors...year 2s, 3s, 4s and some even older came back for the finale... nelson conducted us personally for that session... we sang in the lobby of the hotel...so the acoustics were reli good too... the choir was probably around 150 strong... imagine 150 trained voices... it nearly blew off the roof lah... everything was like soo loud and sooo nice...it was reli reli cool singing with so many people... and as always...when nelson conducts...there's magic.... chords just turn into music... i couldnt even hear myself for some parts lah...that was how loud everything was... of cuz at the high parts i reli squeezed my diaphragm and blasted... cannot be outsung...wahahahahaha....it was the only carolling session which i truly enjoyed and was even disappointed when we had to sing the last song...it was absolutely fantastic...

after that went to marina bay with the usual gang... played pool... den met up with 2 girl year zeros from dhs...weilin's juniors... hahaha...went to eat...eat a lot lah...its something like seoul garden liddat....where u must cook the food urself... we ate from 5 plus all the way to 8 plus...pro manz... nearly everything i cooked was chaotah... so i think i might get a sore throat soon...haha...talked a lot of cock also... the two girls are good to talk to... haha...but calvin and grace...one of the yr zeros...it was hate at first sight...there just kept bickering...hahahaha...damn funny the two of them...grace is one of those very opinionated girls who think everything sucks and disgusts her... she told calvin right in the face that he was disgusting...hahahah...den it was war already...damn funny...

concert on tuesday...i think its a pian4 chian2 concert lor... cuz we only singing 3 good carols...two combined songs with the HK treble choir...and i tink the rest the HK treble choir will sing...damn slack...and we havent reli had a practice for the two new combined songs with them... hahaha..we're gonna practice one day b4 the concert...God bless us...

2004-12-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

its christmas eve... well well... its xmas tml... doesnt feel very christmassy rite... but anyway...tml gonna be the last day we're carolling...thank God!...i hate carolling... got church tml morning...not gonna go for the first few sessions of carolling...dun care...i rather go to church than carol... after all...christmas is all about Christ isnt it?

amazing grace... such amazing grace... funny...it seems like this is the only christmas when i reli understand the amazing grace of God...

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only begotten Son, so that whoever believed in him will not perish but have eternal life"
- John 3:16

i never reli appreciated this well-known verse until recently... "whoever believed in him"....all u need is to believe... u dont have to be perfect...sinful as we are...u dont have to do anything extra... as soon as u believed in him... you have eternal life...what amazing grace!

well of cuz thats not to say we shouldnt try to lead righteous lives and try to please God and everything... but the bottomline is...we were saved by grace...

...Merry Christmas people... let's not complain how life is so unfair sometimes... or how things are looking so bleak...and keep thinking how life is so pathetic... cuz things were even more unfair towards God...in a manner of speaking... But by His grace... we have been given the ultimate gift of eternal life...and we can delight in the promise God has for us...=)...

...Glory to God...

...Glory to God in the Highest....

2004-12-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

ok...my splurging days are officially over... i have already gotten everything i wanted to get...yay...just bought a pair of slippers for 32 bucks... i intend to get my brother to pay for the slippers...as a xmas present to me...muahahaha...

IM IN DEBT!!!!!!!! oh dear... i owe weilin 60 bucks... i owe the choir about 130 bucks worth of ticket money... hopefully they wont want to collect the ticket money until january...when i get my allowance...

BUT... some people do owe me money...pls return my soon so i can pay off my debts...teo eetse!! dawn!!

shit shit...okok...i know i have gone a lil too far with the spending thing...shit...stupid shawn... i will not splurge until next xmas...oh dear... chinese new year...im waiting for you...

2004-12-21T23:11:00.000+08:00

wah...carolling for 3 sessions straight at raffles hotel is damn tiring... sing until damn sianz....luckily the 3rd session the people from ritz came down to reinforce us...otherwise damn tired... hahaha...sighz...4 more days to go... im sick of carols....

hahahaha...i finally got the full english translation of belaian jiwa! asked my malay fren to do it... here it is... wah lao...its a damn pussy song... reli...the guy who wrote it must be like damn pathetic...

Seindah tiada lagi kau ku ingatkan
Beauty no more do I think of you
Sayang kau hilang
Unfortunately you’ve gone
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini
I will be waiting till the end of my life in this earth

Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
You know how much I love you
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Only the fairy can replace you
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
It’s fate that determines it
Oh belaian jiwa
Oh the indulgence of soul

Oh angin, sampaikan lagu ku padanya
Oh wind, send my song to her(him)
yang sedih pilu
Which is full of sadness
Terimalah lagu ku jadi teman hidup mu
Take my song as your life companion
Untuk selamanya
For eternity

Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
You know how much I love you
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Only the fairy can replace you
Hanya takdir
Only fate
Menentukan ia
Determines it
Oh belaian jiwa
Oh the indulgence of soul

wah lao...damn sad rite the song...wahahahaha..."only the fairy can replace you"....like....O.....K......hahaha...wad a stupid line...

2004-12-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

i went shopping with wei lin and calvin today... hahaha...finally...i have new clothes.... wahahahaha... i think i spent 218 bucks today... haha... im starting to change my wardrobe a little... my taste is changing i tink... haha... feel damn shuang now... i bought 2 tops from giordano...one bottom from giordano... one top from bossini... one reli nice top from the pasar malam(wahaha) outside bugis... two bottoms from the pasar malam... a tao zhe cd for 6 bucks... BUT... i still havent got my slippers!! shit...

tried to do maths at bk at parkway today...without formula list...wahahahahahhaa...i forgot everything... i couldnt even get pass the 3rd qn... so i just gave up... tsk tsk... im gonna chiong tml...i must...i must...

2004-12-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

just got back from glenn's xmas party... quite nice... everyone was there... talk talk talk...eat eat eat... ya...basically tts it...

freak... i still havent started my holiday homework... and i dunno what homework is there... oh dear...oh dear oh dear....

...im a quiet psychopath....

2004-12-18T22:55:00.000+08:00

so it wasnt anything much after all... so... so i guess its a closed chapter... :)... just got back from the band concert... dun reli noe band music but can hear some shaky parts here and there lah... and maybe cuz im in choir...tts why i pay particular attention to pitch... some of the instruments sound like they weren't tuned properly... den when one section plays a tune... the sound doesnt blend... it just like bleah...but overall not bad lah... for 5 bucks...

today kaiwen and i were walking around tampines mall.. he was trying to find a sling bag... reli got to know him during tt period... talked a lot... haha... some secrets just suddenly came to light... but dun worry kaiwen... i wont say anything...

2004-12-17T22:57:00.000+08:00

i recorded belaian jiwa... in one day...today... and i must say...its actually sounding good...haha...so proud of myself...yay...maybe im not such a loser after all...

u noe wad... i think i am really getting vain... tsk tsk... but its not a sin rite... haha... so vain i will be...

2004-12-16T20:57:00.000+08:00

christmas is coming... but where is the christmas cheer... no matter... actually i've never ever experienced a truly cheery christmas before... come to think of it... during the past few years i've always been busy preparing for the church's christmas service... not that i dun delight in serving... but u noe... have good, clean, non-religious fun....

whats on my mind right now? i also dunno... sometimes im just convinced tt im psychotic u noe... like a raving lunatic inside... bet if u know tt side of me... u will sure get scared away... this saturday... this saturday... will i feel anything when i............dun tink so... feels like so long already...nono...uh uh... hell no... aint interested in ur life... nvm..we'll see...i'll see if time has really done its work for me... but... why am i talking like it mattered... as if it was a big deal... bah....

2004-12-16T15:55:00.000+08:00

i recently started swimming again...with weilin and calvin... nearly forgot the feeling of having water surround you... haha... i even had to buy trunks and goggles cuz i couldnt find them... but it would be much better if they didnt have to swim so early in the morning... like 8.30... wah kao...say must go in the morning...water is cleaner... -_-... haha...wanted to swim 20 laps today... but in the end only swam 14... hahaha... nvm... next time i will complete 20...

i got my shades and sunglasses oredi...hooray... bought it at the pasar malam at parkway... for only about 13 bucks each.... yay... when my mother saw wad i bought the first thing tt came out of her mouth is, " aiyo! you hiao2 ah... why u so vain these days ah..." ....-_-... is it so wrong for me to buy shades and sunglassses...-_-...

oh...this goes out to my pal eetse....GOOD LUCK tonight k... hahaha...

2004-12-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

k...i think i reli better get started with my holiday homework... cuz... is it just me or is school like going to start in about two to three weeks time... shit man... i want more holiday...thou shall not procrastinate.........too much...

bought a new wallet... like finally...i just adore my new wallet... i can just look at it and admire it for hours... i just love smelling the leather... hahahahahahah.... although it costed a bomb...($74)... i think its worth it... cuz its nice and er...yea...nice...

today... went to siglap cc to film nelson's documentary... nelson is our conductor... wth...he actually has a documentary all about himself... tua pai man... but i guess he IS one of the world's finest choral directors... he is dunno how many achievements to his name... so yea... damn sian lah today... sing the stupid Zhu Guan Li song for the shoot... den wait and wait for the crew to prepare...sianz...

u noe... i wanna buy a pair of shades/sunglasses....... u shuddap k...i noe what u are thinking.. im not acting cool nor am i trying to be a poseur... i...i....i... i just want a pair of those... BUT... i think there is something wrong with my face shape... wahhahaha... look weird in shades... i dun get it... i look fine in glasses...but i look weird in shades... hiyo... nvm...i noe that there is a pair out there somewhere with my name written all over it... yea...

my choir frenz have been coming up with all sorts of ideas for musicfest next yr... i dunno lah...i just let them sort it out... i just sing... maybe...maybe i may consider signing up for the solo category... wahahahaha....

2004-12-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

Belaian Jiwa

Seindah tiada lagi kau ku ingatkan
Sayang kau hilang
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini

Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
Oh belaian jiwa

Oh angin, sampaikan lagu ku padanya
yang sedih pilu
Terimalah lagu ku jadi teman hidup mu
Untuk selamanya

Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir
Menentukan ia
Oh belaian jiwa

beautiful malay song... if anyone can translate it for me i will be eternally grateful...i wanna noe wad it says... just from the melody and the emotion displayed by the vocals you can already sense the great sadness of the song... call me mad or anything... but i wanted to feel the effects of the song to the fullest extent possible... so i watched a sad movie... A Walk to Remember... and after the movie i listened to the song again and again... didnt really achieve the desired effect... haiz... but it is still a moving song... er... and movie too...

i got the english translation of the title belaian jiwa... belaian mean caressing... or something liddat... and jiwa means soul... caressing soul... dun reli make sense...

2004-12-10T22:18:00.000+08:00

haiz... i just finished recording "I Dream"... but its damn sucky... i suck... just gross... sighz...

...my life needs direction...

2004-12-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

just watched charmed... this was one of the better episodes man... not tt the rest are bad.. in fact the rest are damn good too...just tt this one is nicer...piper and leo finally u noe...came back together...still cant believe they had sex in the back alley in the ghostly realms somemore...wahahahaha.... and piper found out tt chris is actually her son... cool eh... can just imagine all the emotions going thru her head...

leo: I never stopped loving you....

one sad couple torn apart by destiny...the things they had to go thru...can u imagine watching the woman u love going out on dates with other men...and u cant stop it... tsk tsk... k shawn...shuddap...its just fiction...wahahaha...

anyway... something reli cool is happening to me... my unspoken wishes and thoughts are somehow coming true... hahaha... i didnt reli think about it until today when i was in lido with eetse esther shu anu and nat... we were watching the incredibles... den during the movie... i was dreaming of drinking starbucks coffee after the show...but dun reli wanna spend the money... and when the movie ended... we went outside and guess what...the starbucks outlet in lido was giving out coffee for free!!... like wth lah...they say its for xmas... so i got my caramel frap... for free!... like whoa... den just about a week or two ago...i was at the Challenger... u noe the place tt sells all the computer programs... i was looking at this musicmaker programme... and i reli wanted to get it...but it was about 120 bucks...so like... cant buy lah...so quite sad... and lo and behold...just a few days ago... my fren who has tt program i tink or a program similar to it burned it for me... without even me asking for it... i was like WHOAAAAAA when i got it lah... oh man... and just a few days ago...i was thinking...shit la...i wanna buy so many stuff...clothes...accessories and all tt shit... but no money... and i got the greatest mum in the world... she just gave me 200 bucks to spend and on top of that...she topped up my depleted bank account with 200 more... like...WTH...hahaha... but i noe...i shouldnt be so extravagant...must learn to control...

hahahahahaha... hmmm.. so wadeva i wish for in my inner thoughts actually came true... when my classmates heard my story they kept asking me to help them think of things for them...one ask me to think that our CT Tutor died... haha... eh u noe wad i've been thinking/dreaming/wishing lately?...u'll probably fall of ur chair luffing... i've been thinking/dreaming/wishing that *uh-hem*...I won Singapore Idol... (i noe u are luffing at me now k)... im also luffing at myself... wahahahahahahahhahahahaha..... but its quite a far fetched thing isnt it...actually its very far fetched... recently my mum asked me wad i wanted to do when i grow... frankly...i havent got a clue yet... i still havent found where my interest and niche reli lie... cuz just about the only interest i have right now is....er...singing?... no not reli...shit...i dunno...

2004-12-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

listening to clay aiken right now...bought his christmas album... quite nice... some of the songs are actually very nice... not ur usual christmas carols...like duh lah...

christmas is coming... how time flies... somehow christmas seems a bit subdued dunch you tink... it doesnt feel the same as before... but still.... the meaning of christmas never changes... only men change...

glad i went to church yesterday... the sermon was on "eternal rewards"... i actually learnt a lot from it... a lot of qns that were worrying and bugging me were answered yesterday...yay...

after tt met up with my cousins at coffee bean... wah...sooooo long never see all of them... feels great to chat with them... yah... should make it a point to do so more often... yea...

ok...shant type anymore... my stomach is killing me... dunno why suddenly pain... bye....

2004-12-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just don't understand myself... nor can i control myself very well... shit la... sometimes i just wish my brain was some computer which you can control my thoughts with buttons and keys and everything... then life would be so much easier... everything comes one after another... as soon as i overcome this...that has to come along and i must struggle along again to get rid of it... but i come out of each experience learning something... so at least tts good in a way... but it still gets reli irritating... but so what... we cant choose what we want to go thru in life rite... so just try to live thru it...

someone uttered 3 words a few days ago that reli struck me... i cant remember who tt person is...but i can remember the 3 words...it is "Test of Faith".... i've been trying to find words to describe this season in my life but have never been able to find any... but when i heard these 3 words... it reli struck me to the inner depths of my soul... cuz i think these 3 words are the words im looking for... yea... i think God is reli testing my faith now... and the devil is trying to get hold of as many strongholds in my life as possible... every single thing that comes along... he will throw at me... grrr.... will i remain standing?

anyway...just penning some thoughts... ever since i saw taufik win SI... i keep trying to imagine myself in his shoes...what will the feeling be like... like just as soon as u show ur face...thousands start to cheer for you... the whole nation nods its approval of you... out of thousands...you are the only one that remains standing... people you dont know just love you and your music... its an awesome feeling isnt it... but also...this feeling can also delude your life... because it is an industry and an environment that focuses so much on you and you alone... so i guess there are alwaez two sides to it... for example...call me crazy or what...but i was damn bored today lah... i was surfing the net when i accidentally discovered that the idols have online blogs given to them by mediacorp... i was reading david yeo's blog...and he is a very staunch christian... he was saying how his days in idol made him move so far away from God... and now all he wants is to go back to God... the competition has made him focus so much on himself...his image...his vocals... and so he lost sight of the bigger picture... i also read the blogs of the other finalists...and a lot of them are christians... anyway...side tracking...

sometimes i just feel its impossible to be close to Him again... so many things are in the way...

"there are times in your life when the odds are so against you... there's no defeat if all you keep is pride"

...love yourself...

2004-12-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

aiyo.... choir is like consuming my entire holiday... i've been doing choir activites like nearly everyday for the past 2 weeks... altho the SI activity was fun... but its reli getting sianz... rehearsals and practices and performances... im seeing too much of my choir frenz... haha... i need a change of scenery... just today we had practice in the morning... den rehearsal with SCO at nite... its tiring u noe... during the time between the practice and the rehearsal, me kaiwen and ziyi were like at a loss as to wad to do... so in the end we went kbox...hahahaha...damn fun... we sang all kinds of songs... piaing all the high notes and everything... both of them are more cheena so they sang all the jay chou and david tao songs... me... i sang my english songs.... i sang breathe easy(i managed to reach the high notes!!)... tears in heaven...Go the Distance(screeched the high notes)... like a rose... its my life(sylvester style)....and many more... nearly killed my voice man...haha...thought i wouldnt be able to sing at the rehearsal at nite...but luckily my voice recovered in time... haha...ziyi and kaiwen also...we all managed to recover in time... one thing about joining choir...it has kinda like trained my voice to be more hardy... faster to recover...

sighz... den tml is yet another carolling performance at SAFRA telok blangah...god knows where it is...and how am i going to get there... then on sunday...its the actual SCO performance...if im not wrong...monday we will be carolling again...so it goes on and on and on...

i heard I Dream on the radio! so fast man...taufik sounds good... WE (VJ CHOIR) sound good too...wahaha...so cool to be part of a secular song that is actually circulated around... i love that song man... i cant get it out of my head...i have half a mind to record it!...haha.. speaking about taufik... i think the newspapers are reli mean lor...the things they write reli demean him...like trying to take away the glory of him winning the SI title... first they must go n say sly has exactly the same deals as taufik...recording contract blah blah... den say sly has a more certain future in the music industry compared to taufik... den somemore no world idol...which actually might be a good thing...hur hur...taufik is good lah...very good...but not THAT good... and all the talk about taufik releasing a malay album...stupid... wah lao... i've never heard of a malay album... den what about his chinese fans... singapore idol releases malay album...wad a stupid thing...

2004-12-02T01:05:00.000+08:00

woooooooooo.... i love taufik... im a convert...hahaha... he is damn cool...glad he won...voted for him like crazy man... ahha... k...let me start again from the beginning of today...

ok...we arrived at the indoor stadium at 2pm... haha...we were immediately rushed to the stage to record "Idol paradise"... damn last minute hor... we recorded the song on the day itself!...hahaha....den we went to our room to chill...of cuz...me calvin and kaiwen... went looking for taufik sly and olinda... cuz we got the poster from lime mag... and we wanted them to autograph it...haha... on the way we bumped into a lot of the idols... they were of cuz friendly... all the hellos and everything... christopher was like "hello... how are you doing today... hope u have a great day..."

eventually we managed to get taufik and syl to sign it... just after the both of them finished rehearsing "I Dream"... while they were signing... they were talking... so we got to hear their casual banter... can tell they are like reli good friends... i think what the papers said about them being quite unfriendly towards each other is pure rubbish...

after tt... we went to the make up room to get our make up done... most of the idols were there... getting their hair and makeup done... olinda's hair was way cool... like so high... we were like... whoa... olinda.. ur hair is damn cool... haha.. i took a picture with beverly... she is so tall and so pretty lah... like a doll... haha... she was like some ditzy bimbo... haha... damn funny... oh... and we saw daphne on the phone in the room... and she was crying!... olinda saw it too... den she went over to console her... wonder what happened... haha...

but soon... it was showtime!!... haha.. taufik is like a damn good dancer lah... his moves are like damn sleek... damn cool man... the idols were cool too... backstage they kept smiling at us and all... jeassea told us to go have fun and all... haha.. cool... going on stage was ok lah... all the swaying and wadeva... i thought taufik rocked on all 3 songs... sylvester reli blew me away with his it's my life... reli reli good...haha... they are reli fantastic performers... u reli got to be their live to see it... the energy and the showmanship is reli amazing... and with the music blaring and everything... very nice... reli cool to be so close to the idols and interact with them...

and during the interval... i voted like crazy for taufik... my frenz thought i was nuts... like nonstop voting... haha... den during the second half of the show... when taufik and sylvester were singing "All for love"... christopher came over to us and sang with the tenors...haha... he is reli ultra friendly... oh i forgot to mention... b4 the show started... christopher came to find us in our room... he asked if anyone's feet was a size ten... then my friend calvin said his was a ten lah... so chris asked if he could wear calvin's shoes for a while... cuz he had to go thru the red carpet and his shoes were too tight.. haha... damn funny... so calvin lent him lah... anyway back to the show... aiya... all in all the idols were very nice lah... showing us the thumbs up sign when they passed and all tt...

haha... when taufik won... all of us were jumping around backstage.. yes... vj choir is pro-taufik... hahaha... damn happy... hehehe... it was absolutely fantastic when we went onstage to sing I dream... de everyone came and all the streamers and confetti started coming down... so beautiful... hahaha...

den after tt... outside the stadium... i was interviewed by some chinese radio station... so i had to speak in chinese... wah lao... damn terok lah my chinese... CMI... haha.. damn funny.. they ask me who i support... so i say taufik lah... they ask why... den i was like... cuz he can sing well... and he is damn sey... they ask i voted how many times for taufik.. den i say for tonite... over twenty times... haha.. aiya,.. den blah blah...

all in all... i will never ever forget this experience... its so memorable... and so cool... hahaha... taufik rocks!!

2004-12-01T01:50:00.000+08:00

ok...today is the coolest day of my life!!!! cuz its the singapore idol rehearsals!!!! wow... i didnt expect to get so star-struck... the rehearsal was from about 2pm to 11pm.... and as expected... we saw a lot of the idols...like all of them... hahaha... i must chronicle every moment of today cuz its soo memorable.... ok... lets start from the beginning...

first we met in school at around 10am to learn the song "Fried Rice Paradise"... the song is meant to be a special item song written and going to be performed by dick lee... like sooo last minute lah... now we must scramble to memorise the words... quite a stupid song actually...haha.. you'll know tml....

den we set off for the indoor stadium... as soon as we got there.. we were issued passes and den we went into the restricted area... wahahahaha... there were some fans out there who were like camping outside there hoping to see the idols... then when they saw us go in... haha.. shud have seen some of their faces... tsk tsk... so...as soon as we were settled down in our room, we ate lunch... and me calvin kaiwen and ziyi set off to find the idols... and guess what? we found them!!! haha... we saw daphne first actually... she was coming out of the room... followed by beverly... and basically everyone was there... we were trying to find taufik or sylvester to autograph our singapore idol tix... haha..den we can sell for a high price... wah lao... and yah... we saw both of them... but sylvester disappeared damn fast... so taufik was left... he was like damn sey lah... sunglasses and all.. with that serious attitude... haha... tt stooopid kaiwen kept shoving me in front of taufik to get my ticket signed... but... BUT... i am damn thin skinned... haha.. actually i would have asked him to sign IF kaiwen didnt shove me into his face lah... so at the last minute like... like 1 metre away from taufik... i turned and walked away... hahahahahahah... shit man... i must have looked like an idiot...

den after that... the few of us went into the indoor stadium where the stage was... and we saw all the idols rehearse first... haha... it was cool... they were rehearsing their opening act... britney spears' "Stronger"... haha.. the music was like blaring thru the stadium... reli loud... damn nice... haha.. the song was pre-recorded.... yah... so yah... the idols... a lot of choreography...

den soon... it was time for us to take the stage with the idols... let me tell you... it is freaking cool to be on the same stage as the idols... ahaa... while both taufik and sly are singing in front... so cool... yah... actually sylvester is not tt short lor... he seems ok wad...

den after tt... we had a dinner break before the full dress rehearsal... after dinner... we all went to do our make up... all the idols were inside doing their makeup and everything also... so while most of us were queueing... some of the idols who finished will like come out one by one... and den i think we are like a bit star-strucked... haha... we took pictures... autographs with i think nearly all of them...haha..... christopher is like reli reli friendly.. he finished his make up quite early...den he came to talk to us first... before we even approached him... haha... he was wearing some ugly white outfit... den he said to us, "Sometimes being an idol is not so good... you dun get to choose ur own clothes"... haha... den david, jeassea, maia and daphne came out... and of cuz they obliged our photos and autogrphs... they almost have to rite... yah... all of them were reli friendly... maia is reli short... wahahaha... she was like trying to tiptoe when she took a picture with me and some other guys...

oh.. at around tt time.. me and some of my friends spotted sylvester around the corridor... so we gathered tt it was a good chance to get him to sign our SI tix... so we ran after him... hahahaha... damn funny... he signed our tix of cuz...(yea!)... and while signing he was talking to us...in chinese... he was reli friendly too.. haha...

sadly... we couldnt get taufik in time for photos and autographs... cuz the rehearsal was going to start and taufik was the last to get his makeup done... hahah... i've never been in such close proximity to such people in such long periods of time b4... we were in the same make up room... we bump into them in corridors... rehearsals... we are like reli close to them and all...so i think all of us were quite star-struck... hehe...

and so the full dress rehearsal started... with gurmit mceeing and everything... oh... and i heard the 3 songs tt taufik and sylvester are gonna sing... taufik is singing superstition, Me and Mrs Jones and I dream. sylvester us singing It's my life, An jing, and I dream... may i add that the two of them sound very good live... like reli... i was shocked... maybe its the acoustics of the stadium itself... makes everything very loud and echoey... but i think it will be quite an equal fight... yep... haha.. we are singing the fried rice paradise song as a special item song with dick lee... wah lao... we just learnt tt song on today lah... all fo cuz couldnt remember to lyrics at all... like just anyhow sing... hahaha... dunno tml how...but aiya... tml then see...

den during th interval between the performance show and the results show... gurmit was like cracking all sorts of jokes... damn funny lah... like reli... he is reli good at it... hahahaha... i cant reli remember what he said but he did mention his coin toss error thing... i think he feels very shitty about announcing it wrongly... like alwaez bring it up... he said something like... "But im only human... and we all make mistakes and have problems... Samson had his long hair... Archilles had his heel... and apparently i have a coin toss problem.."... den he also joked a bit about thongs and stuff... hahaha... he's damn cool...

den after tt was the results show... haha... the group medley is cool... yah.... and at the end when they announced the winner... at tt time they just said taufik won lah... so we came on stage to sing the I dream song... den all the streamers and paper stuff started popping all over the stage... literally covering the entire floor... den the other idols came on stage... and i tell u ah... the whole lot of thme reli like small children liddat... they play and play with all the streamers and stuff... like gather them up and shower each other with streamers... throw in each other;s faces... den the person being thrown at will chase the other person around... blah blah... quite a comical sight... haha...

den after it all ended... me calvin and eugene were outside at the road waiting for eugene'e parents when douglas oliveiro came... he was trying to hail a cab... but he ended up chatting with us... he ask us who we think will win... of cuz we said taufik in terms of voice quality... den he said he agreed... haha... den we ask who he thinks has the best voice... he said olinda is very good... but she has a very one-sided voice... like give her any type of song and she will sound the same... the same goes with daphne... he mentioned tt he liked jeassea a lot... he also said that he thinks sylvester has a lot of potential... and about taufik, he said he initially tot taufik didnt have what it took... but he said he was proven wrong... taufik has reli improved... haha...

and so... tt concludes this memorable day... its reli so so cool... i'll never forget it... and after today... i reli think taufik is damn cool... the way he looks and the way he carries himself... i think its reli damn sey... ok... i am now a taufik fan... hahaha... yup... he is damn cool...

im so looking forward to tml... the actual day... ahahha... wonder who will win...

2004-11-29T23:46:00.000+08:00

ahhhh... im so bankrupt... im gonna live on bread and butter for the rest of the year... haha... why? cuz i dyed my hair... where? at peter and guys... so freaking ex... my eyes nearly popped out when i saw the price... 100 bucks... AHHHHHHHH.... hahaha... i was half afraid i wouldnt have enuff money in my atm when i gave the cashier my atm card... so... now my hair is light brown and actually i think its quite nice... so at least tt could help alleviate the pain of 100 bucks...

today's performance at the alpha dinner went ok... altho i think the music was a lil' too soft... compared to our voices... but wth... i dun care...

yay...tml is the SI full dress rehearsal...im gonna see all the idols!! like all of them...haha... how exciting...

2004-11-28T23:11:00.000+08:00

had our first carolling session at the singapore swimming club on yesterday... omg... everything was going well until the last song when we sang "We wish you a merry xmas"... cuz tt song not supposed to have conductor... its like the choir singing directly to the audience kinda thing... but... in the middle of the song... the ENTIRE choir just stopped singing... like just stopped singing together... i still dunno what happened... ahhahahaha... the silence after tt was like soooo awkward and sooo frightening... we just stared at the audience and the audience just stared at us... the silence was like deafening...haha... den some of the sops started to creep in with the melody and gradually we picked up again... omg... haha..so embarrassing...

hmmm... maggie denise and i are singing a special item song at some Alpha partners dinner at fullerton hotel... a song called "Your Love amazes me"... beautiful song... haha.. had a rehearsal today... went well... in fact... it went so well tt pastor wants us to sing it again for the new year's eve service... sighz...

should i cut my hair... singapore idol on tuesday leahz... i feel like cutting... yah maybe i shud cut... i'll go cut tml...

2004-11-23T22:56:00.000+08:00

woooo...recording was actually quite fun today! haha...yay...never recorded in a studio b4... now i have.... haha... we started work on the group medley first... wah lao... the first page was like shouting lah... the song was "Celebrate good times come on"... that babes conde keep asking us for more energy and everything... so fine... we give her energy... end up like all of us were shouting....tsk tsk.. i thought tt part sounded quite lame... like quite gross IMO... but at least after tt for the other songs in the medley... we could finally sing... not too bad lah... but i still think some parts sound a bit lame... the enetire medley took us like 6 hours to finish...

den after dinner was the "I Dream"... wah... we actually sounded quite good for the song... the person was like blown away by our musicality...ok lah... maybe exaggerate a little... but he was very happy... he told us that when his colleagues heard that they invited us to sing... they all said that it wouldnt work and we'll sound like some secondary school choir... but he said we sounded nothing like seventeen year olds at all...can really hear that we are well trained and very sensitive to music... hahaha... nice nice... we did "I Dream" in a very short time... like only one and a half hours...

yup... recording day was good i think...on the whole... i mean we reli tried our best lah... even if some parts sound a bit shitty... sorry lah... we are still in fact seventeen year olds...haha...

2004-11-22T22:22:00.000+08:00

hiyo...today's rehearsal was like...er.... ok...it wasnt crap but it wasnt very good too... i guess we arent too comfortable with the style and everything... the song the finalists are singing is called "I Dream"...ok lah...not bad lah the song...quite nice.... the arranger is some guy called Sydney something... he came down to guide us through the song... aiyo... i think its like he doesnt reli know how to sing... sometimes he will like sing sing den zhao xia... den wah lao... reli affect me and some of my friends lor...den after that...we cannot get our note... and he frequently forgets to give us our notes b4 we start... like he think we perfect pitch ah... and he has this stupid liking for gliding downwards after the end of a note... he says it gives the song emotion...BULLSHIT... it sounds like crap.... its like...our part for the chorus goes like this... "I Dream... OOOOOOOO".... den the "dream" right... at the end of the note we must glide downwards... and there are a lot of "dream"s in the song... and we must glide down at every single one.... crap... just crap...

and they are so freaking last minute lah... we JUST got the scores today... today was entirely sight reading... and tml? we are recording... oh guess wad... we are recording 3 songs... one is the I Dream... the other is the Group Medley song... and the 3rd song is some song called Fried Rice Paradise... and we only got the scores for the first two songs... the last song tml den get... and we are recording tml... how swell... i thought i would be looking forward to tml... but im not... in fact... i kinda dread it... cuz i actually hate the "I Dream" song oredi... sang it like a gazillion times today... tml will be worst...

oh and after the rehearsal, while walking out of mediacorp... we saw sylvester and taufik... but at different times of cuz.. we saw sylvester when we were walking down the stairs and he was walking up... he was drinking MILO can at tt time... he is damn act sey lor... some of us said hi and he like bo hue...grrr... we saw taufik somewhere outside the building... he was walking in... we just stood there staring at him... so i think it made him feel obliged to say hello to us... so he said hi first... haha!... some of the altos went quite crazy after tt...

2004-11-20T20:44:00.000+08:00

ah crap... i think im falling sick... NNNOOOOOOO... i hate being sick... im gonna pop fisherman's friend like siaoz oredi... i have this theory... as long as u can prevent the sore throat or cure it quickly... u can avoid a full blown flu... yea...

had a whole day of choir today... carols carols carols all the way... not too fond of carols... eekz... must start memorising all the songs oredi... i think got close to twenty songs...

2004-11-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

chatted with xuguang on msn the other day... wah...i think its been like 10 months since we last talked or met... feels great to catch up with him again... in case u dunno... xuguang was my very good co mate in vs... haha.. he's doing quite well in tj... tjco president... one of the top in level for econs... oh...and he has a gf... the horny bastard actually snagged a girlfriend... haha... u CANNOT imagine how horny this bastard is... in vs... he used to drive me up the wall with his horniness and his perverse tendency to express it... hahaha... last time he came to my house... he immediately went to dawn's room and opened her cupboard and took out on piece of her sanitary napkins... WTH LAH... then he poured one glass of water on it to see if it can reli absorb... oh btw... it really can...wahaha... and then the idiot wanting to dispose of the evidence, he threw the damn thing out of the window... -_-....

haha... and just a few days later... i met him at parkway... haha.. he hasnt changed one bit... still look the same... talked with him for awhile... apparently he still goes back to vs for co practices to teach the juniors... haha... glad to know that the co is still alive and kicking... although barely... the recently have a 50 sec 1 intake... 0_0... xg say the practice like total chaos liddat... 50 monkeys jumping around... hur hur.. i can only imagine... and wu laoshi actually recently just sacked the chairman in front of the entire co... kaoz... haha.. poor yongjian.. wonder what did he do...

i think i will call him out to catch up one of these days... suddenly i miss some of my vs friends... well those who arent in vj that is... so not many lah...

wooo... looking forward to next week.. we'll be getting the singapore idol scores this sat... wonder wad song it will be...on monday, we will be rehearsing the SI song with the people there... i guess it shud be babes conde and iskandar ismail... hur hur... then tuesday... we'll be recording!!! and guess what... its from 12pm to 10pm.... like wth lah... sooo long... den wednesday... choir prac... on thursday... rehearsal with SCO for their christmas concert.... at least i wont be so bored next week... yea...

2004-11-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

aiya... i feel so unsatisfied with my life right now...im itching to do something that will satisfy me... but i dun have the slightest clue as to what it is... as a result... i keep feeling this sense of loss... like argh...damn idiotic feeling... like u want to do something but u dunno what it is... sigh sigh sigh...

...holler...

haha... just read some of my old storybooks... this is an extract from one of them... its this person scolding someone... damn funny... well...to me it is...

"My Lord, I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offense against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possible that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?"

this is what i call insulting with class....haha...

2004-11-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

didnt go church today... ugh... woke up late... and the service is at 11.15am... so late means reli late... but it isnt an excuse... cuz i did wake up at around 8.30 i think... but i still chose to sleep again despite considering I may not be able to wake up in time for church... so its almost tantamount to deliberately skipping church rite... ugh... naughty shawn...

my mum told me about how her friend prayed for this mango tree outside her house to bear fruit... and the mango tree hadnt grown any mangoes for 3 yrs... so the friend laid hands on the tree and prayed, "In the Name of Jesus, bear fruit"... and a year later... i just ate its mango... haha... why don't these miraculous stuff happen to me... seems i've only been hearing of such things... not once has it happened to me... maybe i just don't have enough faith? the bible says u have to believe that you will receive what you have prayed... only then will you truly receive... believe...

there's nothing to do in the holidays... well...except for the numerous choir activites of course... vjchoir reli got a lot of erm... interesting stuff... so many performances... choir's fun i suppose... but i need something else to do... otherwise i'll just go mad with boredom... maybe i'll resurrect my interest in reading... maybe...no... i need more action...

oh...i dyed my hair today... but not any funny colour lah... just brown...i hadnt planned to... but my bro bought the dye... den after he use still got a lot of excess... so i dye also... haha.. cant reli see the difference in colour yet tho... but with a few more washes... the colour shud come out... haha.. never dyed my hair b4... my scalp is reli itchy now... but whenever i scratch... the ammonia in the dye eats into my scalp and its quite pain... haha... everything comes with a cost i guess...

2004-11-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

Looking through that dusty window

Grey are my thoughts

A flower wilting in the winter snow

Red petals staining like blood

Hear the wolf's cry

It's sorrow rends my heart

Listen as the music fades

It's song doth lingers in my heart

But fret not

Time passes as it always does

Spring will come again

Let the music play

Let the flowers bloom

Let my mind be renewed

2004-11-12T22:23:00.000+08:00

the days are passing so quickly... maybe tts cuz im recording... haha... when i record, time just seems to fly... recording this song called "Who am I"... a christian song... reli beautiful song... sighz... dun tink i can do it justice... things arent going too well in the "recording studio"...aka my room... haha...

sighz... i spent 5 bucks worth of votes on olinda... haha... i reli want her to win this man... was damn scared she would get ousted this week... so i took it upon myself to "save" her... hahaa...10 votes...daphne is out... finally...

sianz... feel so sianz nowadays... fly away...

2004-11-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

skirts and pants day... k lah... went ok... everyone was all formal and stuff... well at least the guys were... some of the girls....dun believe they have nothing formal at all... haha...but after the dinner at traders' hotel... went eetse's house for stayover... haha... his house is damn nice lah... like damn nice lah... especially his toilet...wooo.. the lighting and everything...feels so warm and nice... i can just bathe there forever... we were all damn tired lah... like want to sleep liddat... but for some reason... we decided to go take a walk to a "park" at around 2 am... eetse brought his dog along... his dog is damn cool lah... she never bark and at all... AT ALL... even as we walked past the many houses... all the other dogs were like barking their heads off... his dog remained cool and aloof... cool bitch... i think we woke up his entire neighbourhood... then... we arrived at the "park"... eetse's idea of a park is very different from mine... my idea of a park is something like a very big place... got grass... walking paths... bicycle tracks... but HIS idea was a deserted playground... the "park" or playground rather was like some deserted haunted place...it was totally dark and eerie... and it had bats flying around...yes... bats... we went back to his house almost immediately...haha...

today's choral workshop... vj mj tp and aj were all there... learnt the set piece... some piece named Sunset... ok lah...quite simple... had to perform the song as a choir after the workshop... wah lao... tp went b4 us... and they sang really badly lah... den nelson was like...GO TO 03 AND PRACTICE NOW... scary... den vj was next... den nelson warned us: vj remember ah... one mistake and i will send u out...wah lao... we were all like....shit... pressure... but thankfully we did not bad... he said well done actually...

i've been feeling weird lately... like weird... its like im sinking back into something... some kind of unreal reality... k... dun make sense... but too bad... i've started to read some of the fantasy books i've sworn never to read again... it does something to me... it drags me into the world they've created...and its unhealthy... i noe it sounds dumb to you... but its serious to me... i must break out of it... again....

oh man...i just read the last para again and i think i sound like a psycho idiot... yes im psycho... and mean... and dao... and wadeva...

2004-11-07T21:52:00.000+08:00

ok... the day went fine until now... went to church in the morning... sermon was "Overcoming rejection"... nearly burst out laughing... ha... met dick esther abby eetse to talk shop eat... nice... now? i feel such a sense of loss and emptiness... a girl huh... ok... thx... sometimes i feel like screaming and banging my head on the wall... this is one of the times... excuse me while i go bang my head on the wall now...

WHY CAN'T I LET IT GO?????

2004-11-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

ok...chinese is finally over... yea...wahahaha...i wanna luff at all those people who studied for it...wahaha..cuz NOTHING came out...woooohoooo....so glad i didnt study much... shud be able to pass lah... so hooray...

watched ladder 49 after tt... good show... the life of firemen... the kind of stress they and their family go through... the last part when the male lead died... at his funeral... everyone stood up and applauded for him(in the show)... to celebrate and honour the life of that person who died... it really left a big impression on me... would anyone celebrate my life after i died?... i guess not... hehe...im such a horrible person...

what an interesting period this has been...not only for me...but for the people around me... everyone seems to be going thru some kind of experience of their own... some are going thru bad patches... some are going thru...erm...good patches? not exactly good lah... just different patches... guess we are all growing up! haha... its so interesting how life evolves as u grow older...no matter how much it has costed... i wouldnt trade any of it for the world... cuz i do treasure this experience... haha...

2004-11-04T22:26:00.000+08:00

and so...it is finished...adios to pw... u've been a pain in the ass... thx for disappearing from my life after 7 excruciating months... *sigh of relief*...*another sigh of relief*.... but yet...there is chinese AO tml...ugh...nvm...3 hours...3 hours will pass soon... didnt reli prepare...but den again...u can never reli prepare for it... so who cares...just pass shawn...

now tt pw is over...i can move on without much distraction now... yet it saddens me... aiya... get a life shawn!

2004-11-02T18:28:00.000+08:00

yay....op is tml...so happy...pw is finally at an end... whoa...thinking back on all the stress and anxiety me and my group suffered for the past 7 months...its a wonder we made it out alive and kicking...hahaha... 7 months....i cant believe it...it's FINALLY over...to the year 1s coming in next yr...i hope there is pw for u guys...wahahahha...cuz it sucks suck sucks sucks... haha... o well...at least we have a report which is not bad i think...a group project file which is quite not bad i think... op...dunno yet lah...but hopefully should be ok... so sayonara pw... wont miss you...bye...

guess what...vj choir is being invited to perform at the singapore idol finals on dec 6!!!!!!!!!!! how cool is that lah...i imagine we will be like the backing vocals for the finalists.... den we will be standing behind.... the contestant in front.. den we will be bobbing up and down and singing just like the american idol choir...wahaha... so cool so cool... vj choir rocks my socks off man... we have so many carolling days... even a performance with SCO... and a christmas concert at the end of the year...dec 28... speaking of the concert...i sold all my 20 tickets oredi...zai hor... i just give my parents to bring to their church and sell and WHAM... its all gone...haha...must be my father...he reli knows how to brag and promote... i may need more tix...if u have excess...ask me hor...maybe i need....

ah... what a rollercoaster the past few days were... but at least im beginning to come out of it........i think.....

2004-10-30T23:07:00.000+08:00

...I know God has his reasons... I know he has...

...aching inside... set me free... please...

...hated...

...but His ways are higher the ways of men...

...Amen...

2004-10-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

Into Your hands I commit again

With all I am for You Lord

You hold my world in the palm of Your hand

And I am Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You're the reason that I live

The reason that I sing

With all I am

I'll walk with You wherever You go

Through tears and joy

I'll trust in You

I will live in all of Your ways

Your promises forever

I will worship

I will worship You

2004-10-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

Did you rise the sun for me?

Or paint a million stars that i might know your majesty?

Is your voice upon the wind?

Is everything I've known marked with my maker's fingerprints?

Breathe on me

Let me see your face

Ever I will seek you

Cause all you are is all I want

Always

Draw me close

In your arms

Oh God, I wanna be with you

Can I feel you in the rain?

Abandon all I am to have you capture me again

Let the earth resound with praise

Can you hear as all of creation lives to glorify one name?

2004-10-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

what the hell is wrong with me... im becoming a horrible person... a monster... a hateful person... O God please forgive me.... what have i done? why am i talking behind people's backs now? why am i acting according to hate now? O God please forgive me... why do i feel so irritable these days? what happened to agape love? where is the joy? where is the peace of God now? damn... im spent...i've lost it...

sorry to those i've hurt in one way or another... im such a monster.... i shall try to love and accept more now... O God please forgive me....

2004-10-25T21:52:00.000+08:00

....tired....

....distracted...

...disappointment...

2004-10-25T21:36:00.000+08:00

Tears like a misty spring
Seething out within
What a fool
What an idiot
Don't you know what a fool you've been
How needless it actually is
How meaningless it actually means
Go stick your head in a hole
Cover your ears from errant words
Is it worth it?
Is there even any worth?
<>
Big reaction
Over reaction
Get a grip lest you fall
It doesn't mean that
Be still, my mind
Let not your thoughts astray
Go into slumber again
And awaken with a clear mind

2004-10-25T01:34:00.000+08:00

Where to begin, where to start

I don't really know

But truth is, it's been surreal

Wanted to keep it all in

Wanted to hide it all

Wait it out

But it just started spilling out

It's running now

Can you hear it's sound?

But who cares i thought

Reciprocate none had

How will it be different now

But through some divine design

Got to know her better

Saw the beauty and vulnerability of her soul

Mesmerised

Still, kept it in I did

Why? I do not know

How could I not?

So came the night

The night i chose to say I care

Funny it seems, i regretted instantly

Too much to say for cold cold me

But unknown to self

It triggered something in me

It was a crack in my armour

Almost secretly

I began to come to terms with what i felt inside

2004-10-25T01:17:00.000+08:00

wads the use of a blog when you cant write what you want... ugh...guess its the limitations of a blog...some things you just cant write...

ok...all of this is getting reli embarrassing...i have to stop...

i feel so accomplished today...finally finished OP ppt...finished writing my Op script...yay... yea wadeva...

ugh...nothin to write...bye...